“Dog in The Park with Maddog Mattern!!!” Blog #3

Heart break ain”t easy bubbas. It’s a flat out kick in da’ junk. Ow well, you can’t win ‘em all. Move on make the best of it. That’s easier said than done. Guys don’t handle heart break well. That’s because we are the one’s that are supposed to break the hearts. We are the one’s who are irrational, self-centered and unappreciative of how good a situation is. That’s our M.O. baby! That’s what we do. That’s why dudes dream of revenge. Many times I’ve wished I had a voodoo doll of the broad that two-timed me just so I could poke a pin in her arm and make her body feel like mine. Alas it never happens bucko.

The best that can happen is shacking up with and/or knocking up one of her friends. But she can easily trump that by hooking up with the weird awkward guy in your group (every group has one). Or worse yet she can just show up at a social event you’re at with a guy a million leagues ahead of you. Like an astronaut or Tom Brady. Check-mate bubbas check mate. Revenge ain’t a man’s game. Woman are Mike Jordan in the revenge game and we are Kurt Rambis. We play with heart but in the end we lack the drive and cunning to consistently be good at it. But I’m here to tell ya babies that every dog has it’s day.

There are exceptions to the rules. And The greatest exception is……… Lindsay Buckingham. That’s right bubbas the guitarist and singer of Fleetwood Mac. Now You are probably wondering why I would even mention a singer of a pop band who’s had a perm for 3 decades like Lindsay Buckingham in a Maddog column. TAKE IT EASY BABIES!!!!!! It will all make sense in a minute. Let’s go back to a little place we call the seventies. Fleetwood Mac were on the upswing. They just had a big hit with “Rhiannon.” They are in the studio recording the legendary album “Rumors.” The problem was know one at the time knew it was legendary. The band was too busy watching their lives get shredded like mozzerela cheese in the back of a deli. Lindsay and his girl Stevie Knicks (the bands singer) were in utter shambles. While recording the album Stevie started to shack up with Mick Fleetwood. That’s right the band’s drummer. Business is about to pick up.

Not only did poor Lindsey have to smell the forbidden fruits of the woman he loved on his bandmates fingers, he also smelled it on his drum sticks. The humanity babies the humanitY!!! So, what did poor Lindsey do? I’ll tell you what he didn’t do. He didn’t try to kill himself or quit the band like many dudes would do in that situation. He manned up carnal. HE MANNED UP SON!!!!!!!!!! Not only did he write a revenge song about her, he made her sing on it. That song is a little ditty called “Go Your Own Way.” It was a huge hit, and it can be found on classic rock radio just about every damn hour. Now let’s pretend we’re coach Pat Riley and take a 20 second time-out for a second. THINK ABOUT THIS!!!!! This is one of the biggest songs ever!!! It is about a fillandering hussy and it is co-sung by the philandering hussy. Stevie wronged her man and now has to not only remind herself that, but she also has to remind an arena full of people that every night!!!! WOW!!!

On stage Lindsey looks at his ex-mate with a look full of more venom than a cobra and tells her to pack her coke spoon and roll. And the whole arena knows he’s singing it to her. You know what’s better than that? She is singing it too herself. Every night she is telling her self to take a hike. And there’s no way to avoid it. That song must be played every night. Every stinkin night Lindsay makes her admit in front of StrangerS that she is a harlot. Cold blooded son Cold blooded woooooo!!! Unbelievable.

That is how you get revenge babies and bubbas. Write a rock anthem about your whorish partner, and then make them sing backing vocals on it. The rest of their lives and everyone else’s will be told of their treacherous ways. Mad love to Lindsey. Girlie name. Manliy actions. That is the life babies. THAT is the buzz. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!