The Writer’s Block by Burak Uzun

Hello and Happy Holidays.

The Pound Per Week weigh-in is right around the corner.
And I’m sure there are those out there that think that we might resort to dirty tricks to make sure that Joel makes the weight. I’m here to say that we at The Comedy Point would never do anything underhanded to win this contest. We have nothing if not our integrity.

Here are some things that we can promise will not take place:
- We will not put Ephedrine in Joel’s cereal.
- We will not suspend Joel’s cell phone two feet from his reach while he’s on the treadmill.
- We will not schedule Joel a date with a divorced pilates instructor across town and then take his car keys so he has no choice but to run to her. (Actually, that’s a pretty good idea. We might do that one.)
- We will not feed Joel caffeine and nicotine.
- We will not feed Joel diuretics.
- We will not feed Joel caffeine, nicotine and diuretics.
- We will not make Joel walk around all week in a nylon suit. (With SOUL written across the front of course.)
- We will not make Joel wear ankle weights while on stage.
- We will not make Joel get a colonic.
- We will not try to squeeze out another pound or two by shaving Joel completely hairless.
- We will not lock him in a closet with nothing but cabbage soup and his laptop. (A man needs to be able to blog from anywhere.)

And of course,
- We will not kidnap Joel for the duration of Christmas dinner.

I hope this helps bolster everyone’s faith in the integrity of our contest.
What I can’t guarantee is what Joel might be wearing for the weigh-in.
Anything goes with that and I refuse to comment further.
My only advice is to turn your kids away from the webcast of the show while he’s getting weighed.

One last thing:

Please do your part to help.
We need everyone to be vigilant!
Keep your eyes open for Soul Joel at eateries in the area.
(Call us and we’ll pick him up right away.)
And, if you see anyone tinkering with the official scale come over and let me know what you thought of my blog.

Joel: Good luck and lay off the Panetone.