Advantage Beholder

A Dog In The Park by Maddog Mattern!!!

Damnit bubbas life used to be easy. You do something fun like play a sport. You get real good at it. You make some bosh (money) and marry a model. You know like a MGMT song. But alas Mr. Dylan was right times are changing. I was in a hotel after a gig watching tennis ( that’s right I’m classy). The match was between the beast Roger Federer and this Russian Davydanko. It was a shocker bucko. Not the match itself. Federer beat him like a jr high boy beats his meat. The real action was in the stands. Davydanko had a smoking fox of a girlfriend. This broad was the oppositte of Dante’s Inferno. 12 levels of heaven babies woooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that should be expected, tennis player get hot chicks. But here’s the thriller babies. Federer’s wife was criminally mediocre. Average Jane. Can you believe that? In this day and age an average looking broad from damned Sweden? But more importantly, Federer is probably the greatest tennis player ever. And the 8th ranked player has a fox compared to his chipmunk. Up is down babies and down is sideways.
Here’s the thing. Old school wisdom would have that Federer would have a broad so hot that the Goddess Aphrodite would hang her head in shame around her. But no. He’s above the superficial. Most of us think we wouldn’t. I’ve been telling anyone who’ll listen that in my forties I plan on banging 18-yr old supermodels on a bed of cash while eating lobster for breakfast. That seems to be the dream. But it’s not.

As perfect as that all seems it will fall apart. I think Federer has seen that movie and knows how it ends. So did my boy Andre Agassi. Brooke Shields was his wife. I wanted her ever since “Blue Lagoon.” Piece of cooze. Now he’s with Steffi Graf. Good body but a bit of a horse face. Why did these two all time greats leave the model game for average looking tennis players? Because they were sick of the bollocks babies.

Think about it. You play five sets of slamming tennis with Boris Becker and then you have to pretend to care about some other hussy at the Wilemina agency. “Your right baby Naomi is a bitch……ho….hum and a rum’a'rum.” evidentually the fast life style and the glamorous wife gets to be as empty as a politician’s promise. I admire these guys for loving their craft. It’s hard to find a job you like. But when your job is your passion then it’s something special. And when it’s special you need someone special to talk about it with. Steffi may not be smoking hot but she can talk to her man about playing three sets in the smoking hot courts of Wimbeldon. And sometimes that’s all you need champ. Someone that reminds you that you are not alone. A gottdamn model is only going to remind you that she’s all that matters. It don’t matter that Roddick can’t beat you. You’ll never beat her. All these trophys look good from here, but wait till we win’em. Sometimes the trophies are hollow inside. I applaud both these legends for being able to conquer a craft and find the “right” girls to be with them while they conquer and long after. That’s the buzz bubbas!!!! That’s the life. WOOOWOOOOOOOOWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!OOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!