Global Storming
By Eric Miller
There are many things that are proven facts these days. We currently know that canines have an odd affliction with the Law and Order theme song. It drives them crazy, much like Jack Parkmans little shimey does to the woman.We also know Domino’s pizza beats out Papa Johns pizza in a taste test 3 to 1 and Although currently scientific opinion it looks like the world is coming to an end, sooner then later
The hurricanes, earthquakes and snow storms just do not seem normal. Yes we know the occasional Hurricanes, Earthquakes, and Snow Storms are part of the circle of life, just like the bi-annual shark bites off the coast of Florida. But I must say the recent catastrophes are a little much. John Cusack must be correct, I mean the Mayans. So with that I say you choose how you want to spend your next two years, if its law school and elliptical’s.. more power to you
First I want to say my thought’s and prayers go out to all of those affected by the earthquakes and hurricanes. These types of natural disasters are horrible in every form and its hard because we really have no one or don’t know who to blame, Its different from terrorist attacks, they just leave us scratching our heads sometimes, but that’s for another time, maybe another show Lets get back to comedy here..
I guess lets rag on the snow a little. These little adorable Snowflakessss are causing us quite a problem. After all this snow coverage it made me start to think, we should start naming snow storms much like we do with hurricanes. Hurricane Steve, Hurricane Mike, Hurricane Bertha….How about Snowstorm Shulti?..its white, useless and will stick around your house unless you decide to shovel it away.
Not to mention I’m not a fan of these people who will leave there car in the spot covered in snow until the Summer Solstice melts it away. Grab yourself a shovel, a broom, a rake,, get yourself a friggen sham wow and soak that sheeet up.
These snowstorms have also led to way to many ..as I like to call it.. “SNOWFROS”.. Ill be driving on the highway behind someone who had the diligence enough to clean their side, front and back windows, but left the snow on the top of their cars leaving what I like to call a “Snowfro”. Then I am driving behind the guy and the wind gust his snow onto my car, I cant see while driving and leaving the top of his car with a “Snowhawk” or a kid and play Gumby fade….(couldnt think of a catchy “snow pun”)
Lets just pray the crazy ass hurricanes stop, the earthquakes if their going to happen, chill around a 2.0( refrain from my college GPA jokes). Also lets hope these damn Shultis like snowstorms are done for, at least for this year..Mostly, so we can stop seeing grown CBS newsmen playing in the snow. Grown Men frockling in central park WEEK AFTER WEEK with oversized down jackets holding microphones; asking kids ridiculous questions, if they are happy they got a day off of school then cut to a hard working man in a delivery truck complaining but saying “it is what it is” then driving off……whew got that off my chest… Anyway lets look forward to a great Spring!
Eric
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