Beauty: Kendra Cunningham
For most people, breaking up is the last possible option. They would rather ride out a torturous, spiteful relationship than admit “ I was wrong. I don’t really like or care about this person.”. The ending of a relationship can be confused with “hard times”. How many times have you heard “ but relationships take work”? Some people suck it up during difficult times and put more effort into the relationship or they remain physically present but retreat into an emotionless cocoon. I tend to jump ship when the waters get rough. I have one foot out the door after the first disappointment. He acts uncommunicative and moody? It’s over. He doesn’t call when he says he will? I’m out. He isn’t vying for my sexual attention 24/7? He’s done.
It’s not easy to get out of a relationship, especially if you made the mistake of cultivating mutual friendships, working together, or simply becoming enmeshed into one another’s lives. That’s why you need a strategy. My top three break up strategies are applicable to relationships of any duration. I’ve used them in three year relationships, 6 months, even week long flings. They work.
- Confess Something
Everybody claims the only thing they want in relationships is honestly and truthfulness. They really want KINDHEARTED honestly and CONSIDERATE truthfulness. If you want to put a stake in the heart of a dying relationship, confess something hurtful or offensive to your no- longer -loved one. Something that is almost impossible to forgive or live with and maintain a semblemce of dignity. You are really trying to get them to break up with you due to humiliation and shame. Try something along the lines of “Honestly, I’m still in love with my ex and I thought dating someone totally different would help me to get over it but it just made me realize how much I don’t care about anyone but her” or “The truth is I’m just not attracted to you, its no one thing, its just… I don’t know, like when I look at you, I don’t feel anything, nothing, zilch” if that type of insult doesn’t work, try “I slept with someone else” whether you have or not, it doesn’t matter. You just say it, to end to things. You lie.
- Take a Break
If you can get that codependent, needy son of a bitch to agree to take a break, you’re out, Scot free. This is the “ Breaking up with Baby Steps” strategy. First you don’t talk for a few days. Some distance is put into place. Then you blow off the first planned meeting. You don’t cancel, you just don’t show up. This is laying the ground work, giving the indication that this “break” may in fact be more of a “break up”. Eventually you say you started seeing someone else, whether you have or not, it doesn’t matter. You just say it, to end to things. You lie.
- Stage a Fight
This is my all time favorite way to break up. Stage a fight about something you could conceivably break up over and then, never make up. Why? Because it’s fun. Who doesn’t like to throw a temper tantrum once in a while? You get to avoid the whole “why I want to break up with you” conversation. Whatever the next thing is that aggravates the crap out of you – that’s it! That is the big thing to stage a fight over. You’re pissed and your can’t get over it. Eventually they might accuse you of using the fight as an excuse to break up, guess what? That just pisses you off more. Now you’re really pissed and can’t even talk. Time passes. They bug you to talk. You say you just can’t get over it. If they keep calling, you say you started seeing someone else, whether you have or not, it doesn’t matter. You just say it, to end to things. You lie.
Thanks for listening
Kisses-
Kendra
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
www.kendracunningham.com
Break Ups
The Beast: Larry Loveless
Breaks are never easy for either person. Most of the time there are signs that there are problems and that a break up is on the horizon. Other times, it comes as a complete surprise. Despite what brings the relationship to the end, there both a right and wrong ways to bring things to a closure. Here are a few ways that are most common ways of breaking up:
Text message:
Nothing says, “I don’t respect you as a person and I’m a coward,” then ending a relationship via text message. Very impersonal and selfless. Even if the relationship lasted a month, the other person deserves better treatment.
Email:
Although only slightly better than the text message, the email is still very distant, but does allow the person to go into more detail. This also could mean the sender still has feelings and if the person hears voice or has in person contact, their decision could be swayed. This may be the only person to have a clean break, despite the mixed emotions. The email is still under the, “I’m a coward,” category.
Facebook: “Changing The Relationship Status”
What is the world coming to that Facebook even made the list? Changing the relationship status to, “It’s complicated,” certainly will send the message of unhappiness and get the ball rolling. No mixed signals here, the relationship is certain to be on the rocks and ended off the edge of the cliff. A person that does this, lives for attention from others, and wants to involve others in the break up. Category: Drama Queen
Phone Call:
This may be the best option available, especially if the relationship is long distance. Ending a relationship not easy knowing there will be in instant reaction, followed by some sort of emotion. This makes having the courage to initiate the phone call that much harder. The phone call would have to be the most common, due to the fact it is still easier than in person separation.
In Person: The Most Respected Option
Saying Goodbye is never something that is planned. In fact, the realization that two people are slowly drifting apart, might happen instantly, where one might say to the other, “We should take a break!” Break ups never happen that instantly without a few prior doubts running through each other’s head. It could be a planned meeting or happen as a result of a fight, either way the in person break up assures closure. Male and female alike, require closure in many different aspects of life, so that life can move on.
Want advice? Need your question answer? Email the show at thecomedypoint@gmail.com
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