Each week the we answer various questions regarding relationships. This week , however we received this from one of the listeners on The Comedy Point radio show. The following is the letter with Kendra and Larry’s answers below. Normally we would just include the question, but this letter was too detailed. Want a question answered regarding relationships or dating advice in general? Email thecomedypoint@gmail.com.
Dear Kendra,
I need some advice. I love my girl and we’ve been together for almost four years but there is a big problem.
Her PMS is unbelievable. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a chauvinist.
I know it’s her PMS because after she “hulks out” she apologizes and blames it on her PMS.
The rest of the time she’s an angel. The sweetest girl in the world.
But for at least three days a month she’s an absolute psycho. I’ll give you some examples.
A) About a year ago she walked into my job with the toilet seat from our apartment in her hand. She started screaming that I left the seat up again and then threw the seat through a window in my office. Thankfully I have been working there for ten years and they love me or else I would have been fired for sure.
B) One time she got jealous that I was out with my friends and walked into the bar we were at, picked a fight with a waitress and ended up dragging her across the bar by her hair. It took three of us to get her out of the place before the police showed up.
And even when I try to avoid her for those feew days it’s bad.
C) I went fishing for the weekend with my friends and my cousin’s lake house. She showed up there too and drove my cousin’s dirt bike into the lake to get back at me for not calling her when I got to the house.
The hardest part is that aside from once a month she’s amazing. I don’t want to lose her but don’t know what to do.
She knows it’s a problem but I think that even she gets surprised at how bad it can get even when she’s trying so hard to be calm.
She promised to get medical help but we always forget to make an appointment when everything calms down (when she finally gets her period it’s a big relief).
What can a doctor do anyway?
What do I do?
Beauty: Kendra Cunningham
Transported toilet seats, cat fights, dirt bike drownings? I can’t believe how much this girl has chalked up to PMS. The most I’ve ever been able to blame on PMS is a hissy fit and a bitchy attitude. Anything beyond that has been attributed solely to my personality.
Ok here’s the deal, I’m sure she suffers from PMS, we all do.But the cold hard truth is there is no cure. Sure a woman can self medicate with booze and marijuana. Act out and barrage. Gorge herself on comfort food, isolate and remain horizontal so that nobody triggers the crazy but beyond that………..the only thing YOU can do is treat her like the absolute ruler.
Arrange a comfortable bed with oversized squishy pillows, cherry blossoms by the bed ( cherry blossoms symbolize the strength of the female: her dominance, beauty and sexuality – and they’re pretty!), bring her a bottle of Amarone and a food dome of Fettucini Alfredo. Then tell her you’re going off on your own to think about ways to better yourself. She’ll like that.
Now, believe me, none of this stuff is gonna stop her from nitpicking the shit out of your efforts but when her conditional dementia subsides, she’ll see you tried. And that’s all we really want from men, a visible, quantifiable act that indicates you are trying to do what we want you to do. Exhibit signs of obedience. It’s that simple.
If that doesn’t work, find a way to secretly administer a Personality Disorder Test. People with personality disorders are usually quite charming and easy to develop addictive relationships. Known for their temper tantrums triggered by upright toilet seats, these unpredictable crackpots are prone to mariticide. I forgot to mention that.
Watch your back and keep in touch!
Kisses-
Kendra
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
The Beast: Larry Loveless
Well, first of all, I want to thank you for reading our column and listening to our show. Hopefully your girl doesn’t read this blog or she may never be a fan. One of my dear friends growing up always told me that you have to take the good with the bad when it comes to relationships. If a girl brings you happiness for the majority of the time, the small things should be overlooked. In every relationship this has always been good advice, however in your case you seem to be experiencing the two biggest extremes.
In a way, for 3 days of the month it appears you are dating a completely different person. Some of the stuff sounds too detailed not to be true. It seems as though you are honest with her, it’s not like you were telling her you were “fishing,” and you were somewhere else. She just showed up and drove the dirt bike into the lake. I want to know how your co-workers reacted when she showed up with the toilet seat in her hand!
Unfortunately, we live in a pill popping society. There has to be some sort of medication to sedate her personality a bit during the PMS time of the month. She must in fact be an angel or else the relationship would have ended after any one of your listed examples of her outbursts. Any one of them would end a relationship, but collectively could only mean there is true love at hand. Or you secretively enjoy a bit of drama in your life.
What am I saying? There has to be some sort of medical prescription to help her. You must really love her or you wouldn’t have written to us or still be with her for an extended period of time. Please write back to us in a few months and let us know how everything ended up. Best of luck!
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xanex ,or she needs to get on birth control to control her hormones .I can relate I have been there but now a week before I get my friend I have to take xanex or I am horrible to deal with low dosage but it works
Great advice, Jamie! Thank You
Maybe it’s not PMS but something to do with the full moon. These
1. Is she human?
2. When she “Hulks out” does she turn a different color, grow hair, fangs, claws, etc ?
3. How big is she? Hulk and Angel are very different body types. Throwing things through an office window takes a lot of strength especially when they are storm proof.
by the way I know you didn’t spell chauvinist on your own. You looked it up first didn’t you?