Beauty and The Beast: Relationship Advice w/ Kendra and John

Love  letter closure

First, we would like to welcome our new beast: John Powers!  A talented writer and performer.  Each week, The Beauty and The Beast, will be posted by 12 Noon on Wednesday.  This week we kick things off with Kendra and John by answering a Love Letter we came across on Craigslist:

A while back I broke with my first true love. Since I walked away what I thought was one of the most important thing (at that time) in my life, I have been jotting down all of my feelings. Everything that surfaces, I write them down. I have several pages of ups and downs and feeling. I think that I have wrote down everything I remember/ed and felt. I am ready to give them the letter. The only problem is that everything is scattered.

I am looking for someone to help me get all my thoughts together and make it sound good. It make it sound very articulate and check my spelling, which by the way is bad. Organize everything I have written down and help me with the closing of the letter.

Beauty: Kendra Cunningham

I remember when I was big into closure. I’d say things like “ I just want to talk to him. I feel like I need closure”. But what I really meant is “ My ego is still bruised and I need to get him back so I can feel like I’m the one calling the shots”. Sitting around musing about closure is just another way of staying in the relationship even though it’s over. You guys broke up. That’s the closure. The best way to get over her: hook up with someone hot and fun. It’s a much better way to kill time than documenting every thought that pops into your head. Trust me.

I respect your desire to write a love letter. I bought  “How to write a love letter” by Barrie Dolnick   at a stoop sale a while back because it’s something I have always thought I wanted to do. After reading the first few chapters I knew it wasn’t for me. You’re  supposed to choose an affectionate salutation like Dear my beloved or My precious darling and then expound on fantasies about your future together and all the specific reasons you hold them in high esteem but in an informal conversational structure. My letters ended up sounding like  a highschool girl’s stream of consciousness. “ hello my favorite kisser, you’re so cute I just want to squeeze you death and if I might add, you are a superlative kisser. Seriously, so much better than that stupid oaf Paul O Halloran I used to go out with. He was HORRIBLE! And you dress better than him.  I sooooo wish you were here right now.”  I never wrote the love letter I had in mind but I did spend over an hour researching Barry Dolnick online. What does a guy who writes books on love letters do with himself? Ends up he also has a couple of books on how to cast spells on people. I tried to write a love letter to Barrie after I learned more about him but it sounded forced and phony. He’s too smart for that.

This is what I suggest, rewrite all your notes and scribbles onto one sheet of paper. I did a term paper on “Creative Therapies in Prisons “ and it’s been proven that the very act of organizing your thoughts in one place is cathartic to a noticeable extent and it reduces recidivism, so if you’ve ever broken the law, which I think you have, you’re reducing your chances of doing it again. It’s a two for.  Sending the letter to her won’t give you closure, it’ll just give you hope that she might respond. If you really feel the need to slip it in a mailbox, send it to me. I can’t tell you how curious I am to see what you’ve written.

I might even respond.

Kisses-

Kendra

Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

www.kendracunningham.com

www.blondelogicblog.com

The Beast:  John Powers

John Powers

Greetings, lovely readers.  I’m John Powers, and I’ll hereby be writing the “guy’s” perspective of this love and dating advice blog.  Here’s a brief background on me: I’m a 28-year-old, heterosexual, single male.  I do Graphics for TV (as a day job) and perform as a Standup Comic at night (whenever possible).  I’ve been in several long-term relationships, and feel like I’ve found “love” a few times… but never “true love.”  I enjoy playing and listening to rock music, and sipping on deep red wine.

This week’s inquiry is from someone seeking to put closure on a relationship through a letter.  My response would be: Why?  Anytime a relationship ends, there is a reason for it.  The worst thing you can do is dwell on it and think of all the little things that went wrong.  It takes a strong willpower, but you must realize things happen for a reason, and although you felt you were in love, if it were true it would have lasted.

There’s nothing worse than meeting someone you might have chemistry with, just to find that they’re not over their ex.  That being said, it is not wrong to think of that person.  I can tell you there are times I still reminisce about people who have held a special place in my heart.  Remember the good things fondly and think of the times when you were wrapped in the embrace of their love… but keep it to yourself.  Handing someone a long (even if carefully written) letter is no way to tell them how you feel.  They probably won’t read it the way your meant it.  If you think there is a chance it would work, reach out and talk about it.  Live… in person.

If not, then let it go.  Don’t burden them (or yourself) with these menial reflections on what could have been.  Look forward, not back.  While you’re busy texting, your true love is walking by… trying to catch your eye.

- John
http://www.johnjpowers.com