It’s extremely hot out (just in case you have a lack of temperature sensitivity). I have not done anything productive at my job for the past three days (not much different than any other day)and I don’t intend to do anything productive until the temperature drops to at least eighty-five degrees. Besides being unproductive at work I am also slacking on my blog this week. It’s so hot, even my brain is sweating and all I can think about is ice cold water, Dippin Dots, Tom Selleck and the beach.
I tried to get out of writing this week but Joel obviously can’t take a hint.
I used the, “I don’t know what to write about,” excuse with a stressed look on my face
Sad/Stressed Jen
…while gently caressing his hand, thinking he would turn to me and say, “Oh honey, don’t worry. You can take a break and write something next week.” NOPE! He just threw ideas out at me which made me feel even more hot and bothered. Since my charming, girlish ways didn’t buy me a free week I am here, yet again, entertaining you, my five loyal fans, in one hundred and thirty degree heat.
So what do you want to talk about? We can discuss this past week’s ridiculous events that occurred in my life. Like the fact that I had to Google Rupert Murdoch’s name last week because I had absolutely no clue who he was. I used good ol’ Wikipedia to educate me and help me rejoin society. I admit, I definitely enjoyed the fact that some one tried to smash Murdoch in the face with a pie. That information entertained me for a while.
How about we talk about that before last week, I thought Alaska and Hawaii were the fifty-first and fifty-second states and were considered a sort of “prize” to the United States (in my brilliant mind). I said this out loud during a conversation with my parents who are now extremely concerned with the fact that they allowed me to drop out of college, not once, but twice.
Speaking of parents, when I was at the nursing home visiting my brother the other day, it was brought to my attention that a patient, a woman I have been having conversations with for the past nine months about nail polish colors and this season’s fashions, is indeed a man (caught a glimpse of the enlarged Adam’s Apple which even had stubble on it). When I informed my mother of the news she said, “That would explain why she’s a size thirteen shoe.” When I asked her why she knew this tidbit of information she looked at me with a straight face and said, “I’m buying her a pair of hooker boots.” I didn’t ask for details and I never will. All I know is that the day I pull up to the nursing home and see the resident cross dresser wearing patent leather thigh high boots I may just piss my pants.
To end my week of exciting events I will discuss the fact that I now know that Joel is very afraid of bats. How do I know this you ask? Two nights ago I was swimming in my parent’s pool with my son and Joel. About thirty minutes into our swim a family of bats started to swoop down above the water so that they could grab a quick sip.
I saw Joel get a little squirmish but nothing to alarm me. The bats kept swooping down right by our bodies and Joel kept moving a way when all of a sudden one of the bats came too close to the water and fell in! At first Joel thought it was a leaf and tried to scare us by yelling, “Hey guys, LOOK, the bat fell in the water!” Then Joel realized his words had become reality and went into a state of frozen shock as my son and I swam for our lives towards the ladder. I turned around and Joel was in the same exact spot, staring down at the bat which was trying so desperately to eject itself from the pool.
This Is Joel’s Scared Face
I stood on the deck screaming, “Come on Joel! Get out!” My high pitched yelling must have snapped him out of his state of shock because he then turned around and frantically started swimming towards us. He jumped out. He was safe. My whole intention was to let the bat drown so that I could take it and study it with my six year old but Joel HAD to be a hero and decided that the “right thing to do” was to get it out of the pool with the skimmer and that’s just what he did. He single handedly ruined what could have been a great science experiment because he HAD to save a bat which was too stupid to even grab a drink of water from a swimming pool. Good going, JOEL!
Wait a second! Did I just write a blog?
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