Beauty and The Beast: A weekly relationship advice column with Kendra Cunningham and John Powers
I have a question for the Beauty and the Beast comedy blog.
As a young girl who recently left the realm of college dating; where a relationship is not considered “exclusive” or “official” until it is on face-book,
I am wondering when a relationship becomes official in the “real world”.
Does the man have to ask the girl to become his girlfriend?
Is it just kind of understood after a certain number of dates that you two are boyfriend and girlfriend?
Is John Powers currently seeing anyone 
Thanks!
-Lauren
The Beast: John Powers
John Powers
Firstly, John Powers is single…
Any interested parties should e-male him at:
All serious inquiries will be considered.
Secondly, a relationship becomes official when both parties agree that it is. I polled a few friends on this topic and the popular consensus is still Facebook. Damn social media… always making things more complicated. (…it’s complicated) Last year I was dating a young lady who wanted to get serious kinda quick. She added me as her “in a relationship with…” on Facebook. Although it was tough, I had to decline, and it may have contributed to our demise.
Some say it’s official once you start leaving toiletries and clothing at each others’ places. (http://thecomedypoint.com/
Being exclusive and getting serious are two different things. You should probably be exclusive before you get serious. Exclusivity is a state of mind. It’s best when you and your person are on the same page. Everything is going great and you agree… I don’t want anybody else (and when I think about you I touch myself…)
Does it have to be formal? No… but it should be communicated and agreed upon. Once I was driving with a girl I was dating. She was on the phone. She said to the person on the other end, “I’m driving with my…” then turned and asked me if she could call me her boyfriend. It was adorable.
That’s good enough. You know it’s exclusive when you’re spending more time with someone than without them, and they make you feel secure in the relationship. Their daily routine typically includes… you. You can tell by the way they treat you that they are not dating around or seeing other people on nights apart.
If you’re still confused, talk about it.
Just be careful… if you’re not on the same page that conversation could drive some folks away.
John Powers is a 29-year-old, heterosexual, single male. He does graphics for TV by day, and standup comedy by night. He enjoys playing and listening to rock music, driving around with the top down on his convertible, walking aimlessly around Manhattan… and sipping on deep red wine near the beach..
Lauren Lauren Lauren.. thank you for making a distinction between Facebook and the Real World. Sometimes the boundaries seem blurred.
We all know people can be “in a relationship” or ‘married” on Facebook and in real life but be a two timing philanderer two blocks from home. So first I just want to say, just because two people call a relationship the same thing doesn’t mean they both value the concept or even WANT to be involved. The best way to gauge the status of your relationship is how you feel when you’re around them. If you feel good in their company, if you guys laugh together, have good eye contact , touch each other… chances are your making headway, if you feel insecure or on edge or like you want to punch him in the nose most of the time, you’re probably not connecting on the level that you want. One more thing, and I am super guilty of this, don’t try to fast forward the natural progression of a relationship. Girls tend to want to know if they will have a boyfriend as a result of being patient with a dude’s idiocracy, sticking it out and putting out. The reality is, if a real relationship is gonna develop it will. Being a girlfriend is a big time suck, enjoy planning your calendar based on YOU for as long as humanly possible.
But to get to your question, in order to determine whether you are boyfriend and girlfriend, someone has to say something. The topic can be brought up in various ways. I had one guy cup my buttock and say ”is this mine?”. Turns out it wasn’t but I was glad he asked. The extent of our relationship became clear to the both of us. Another guy just smiled at me and said “it’s so obvious we’re in love with each other” I stopped myself from saying “we are?” and smiled back. Waalaa I had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who knew when I was in love even when I didn’t. That’s pretty good.
The point is somebody has to call it. I know people who are involved for more than 6 months and still have no definition to their relationship. I’m pretty low maintenance so I get stuck in no man’s land quite easily. It stinks to be the person to bring it up. You’re vulnerable and you’re admitting that you hope his version of the situation matches your version. The good thing is, there are so many versions of RELATIONSHIPS now, the odds of making a relationship out of a few glares of hope are much better then they were 20 years ago. Anything flys. But both people need to be in agreement on it. So unless there has been a face to face conversation regarding your relationship status, operate under the assumption you are still single.
Sometimes acting like you’re still single will get your man all territorial.
Not only will you find yourself with a boyfriend but a jealous one at that.
My favorite kind.
Kisses-
Kendra
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
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