Mustache Law Suit?

Check out this correspondence between The Von and a future guest on the show!

Greetings,

We were recently at a Dwarf emporium in Selina, Illinois and were made aware of your degrading website that speaks to the continued discrimination against people of Mustached American heritage.

We are considering deep legal action against you and would suggest you seek legal counsel or taint fondling from Dave Navarro immediately.

Carry on.

Dr. Jivagas Del Puedo
Chief Legal Affairs Officer
The American Mustache Institute
(877) STACHE-1

Visit The American Mustache Institute website!

Follow on Twitter: @MustacheTalk

Like The American Mustache Institute on Facebook!

Dear American Mustache Institute,

While administering FREE mustache rides in Staten Island, NY, we were notified of this email and immediately decided to respond because we only like taint fondling from Carrot Top. Dave Navarro is just TOO dirty.

You had stated in your email that our discrimination against people of Mustached American Heritage was degrading when in fact two of those people we have discriminated from are not even American, they are from the country of Lip Pubia. Please get your facts straight before pointing fingers.

If you can take the time to stop being offended we would like nothing more than to collaborate with you and possibly make fun of these lip pube cladded terrors together. Please have your people contact our people to set up a meeting.

Stay Classy & Stachey,

Jennifer Remauro aka The Von
President & Founder
Creep Mustaches.com
http://www.creepymustaches.com

Jen,

Thank you for your series of missives and for believing in the fallacy that Adoph Hitler had just one testicle, when we know for certain he had four.

Dr. Aaron Perlut, chairman of the American Mustache Institute, would be willing to be on your show. He also has four testicles but only three have dropped. The other is a mystery and we are hopeful.

The American Mustache Institute
(877) STACHE-1

Visit The American Mustache Institute website!

Follow on Twitter: @MustacheTalk

Like The American Mustache Institute on Facebook!

As a supporter of the American Mustache Institute, I pledge to:

• Lobby the administration of President Barack Obama, asking him to grow a mustache during his first term to demonstrate solidarity with people of Mustached American descent.
• Applaud any Mustached American as they walk past me on the street.
• Castigate clean shaven mortals and remind them that their bare-lipped appearance is a sign of weakness and communism.
• Dislike all things associated with Dave Navarro.
• Continue my mustache growth in the extremely rare case that it causes significant decreases in sexual activity, friendships, and approval by society at large.
• Never own a cat or watch “Sex And The City.”
• Distrust clean-shaven officers of the law, and if approached by a mustache-free constable, dial 911 and proceed to a nearby police station, where a squadron of heavily mustached officers will greet me with open arms.
• Consider the environment before shaving my mustache.
• Never forget that every time a mustache is shaved an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth.

AMI Disclaimer: AMI supports healthy, performance enhancing-free mustaches that contain no pesticides. While the vast majority of mustache wearers have highly positive responses from friends, exotic dancers and grade school teachers, mustaches should be worn at your own risk, understanding that AMI is not responsible for mustaches that make men look like child molesters or Dave Navarro. Wearing a “Dictator” mustache may lead to repeated beatings, and women are encouraged to avoid wearing mustaches if looking for male companionship or hoping to find employment outside of waste collection. If a mustache causes you to have an erection for more than four hours, seek immediate attention from a doctor, spouse, girlfriend, or Dave Navarro. In extremely rare cases, mustaches may cause significant decreases in sexual activity, friendships, and approval by society at large. Consult a physician before exploring your personal mustache capabilities, as premature mustache growth may lead to feelings of despair and depression.

*This was NOT sent from a Blackberry, as mustached Americans neither own, nor have the ability, to operate Blackberrys.