Beauty and The Beast: A weekly relationship advice column with Kendra Cunningham and John Powers
Fan Mail Question of The Week:
Beauty: Kendra Cunningham
The guys got no money but he treats you like a princess? I want one.
Don’t jump to any conclusions. If you want to know what is going on with him financially, ask. But before you do, make sure you really want to know. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked direct questions to romantic interests and later regretted it.
Me:“Do you keep in touch with your ex?”
Crush:“Yes”
Me:“Like on a daily basis?”
Crush:“Sometimes”
Me: “Is she aware that you guys are broken up?”
Crush: “well……..” silence
Looking back I wish I had let myself enjoy having a crush on the two timing bastard for another week. Maybe a month. But once you have the truth, you can’t plead ignorance.
So be sure you want to know the cold hard facts before you squeeze it out of Mr. Romantic Pants. You want to know why? Once you hear about his financial hardships, they become your problem too. Hypothetically, he tells you he lost everything on a bad bet and he’s in the process of rebuilding his net worth. Now you know, he’s a hard core gambler, and a bad one at that, he’s good at hiding the truth and can act fine when he is really struggling and treading water, and he’s broke. Will those pieces of information be beneficial to your happiness? Sure maybe you want to know in the long run but once in while you gotta live in denial with a big ole smile.
If he’s broke you’ll find out in the long run. If you have a good guy that treats you great and is easy on the eye, you can figure out the money situation. Who knows maybe you’ll be the bread winner. Would that be so bad? Most guys with a shitload of money, make a lot of money so they can own a lot of things including people. Plus, a year from now you might dislike him for so many other reasons. I mean you’ve only known him 6 months. You haven’t begun to discover his insecurities, idiosyncrasies, and innate hang ups. Don’t throw him back because he’s broke, that’s not a constant variable, wait for a freaky personality characteristic to drive you bananas to call it quits!
Congratulations on landing a good one.
Keep him outta my line of vision
Kisses-
Kendra
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
The Beast: John Powers
Jilted Jill,
There’s a difference between being “financially challenged” and “broke.” Many people are dealing with a lack of cash right now. How bad is it? Does he owe 5 grand or 50? Are big, hairy men often loitering outside his apartment?
Just so you know… you’ve reached the “reality marker” of your relationship. Both of you start dropping pretenses and showing each other who you really are. The 6-month anniversary is the perfect time to take stock of how things are going. Once my relationships hit a milestone like that, I feel it necessary to check “greater compatibility.” Do we agree on politics and religion? Is there more to it than great sex and IHOP? Is your person who they claim to be?
It’s the 90′s and money is a big issue. When I was 23, I didn’t care if my lover had a decent credit score, but now I need to know that mine won’t be affected by her rampant spending and lack of fiscal responsibility. To quote Alice in Chains, “We pay our debts sometime…”
I’m nearly 30 and I don’t owe anyone anything. I have my own 2-bedroom apartment, a convertible, a diverse stock portfolio, and a (half what it was worth 3 years ago) 401k. It’s important to me not to worry about how much I’m making and spending… I like knowing that my expenses are covered and I can relax on the beach whenever I feel like it.
…but I’m single and have no kids.
What are your dealbreakers? How important is money in your life plan? Do you have enough to help him? You don’t want to give him your pin numbers (…ever), but if you love him and he’s a great guy in all other ways, you should consider a loan and payment plan.
It’s more important that he’s good with your kids than your wallet.
Any questions? E-male:
HowMuchIsHeWorth@johnjpowers.
- John
http://www.johnjpowers. blogspot.com
John Powers is a 29-year-old, heterosexual, single male. He does graphics for TV by day, and standup comedy by night. He enjoys playing and listening to rock music, driving around with the top down on his convertible, walking aimlessly around Manhattan… and sipping on deep red wine near the beach…
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B&B. You guys are incredible.
Thanks so much for the advice. The debt collector call scared me. But hopefully its nothing to worry about. At least I’ve got a great man. Love you both!!! And thanks for the quick reply. Xoxo Jillian.
I like IHOP!!!