Beauty and The Beast: A weekly relationship advice column with Kendra Cunningham and John Powers
Fan Mail Question of The Week: I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for a few months now and Thanksgiving is next week. Our families live far apart, whose family should we go to?
Beauty: Kendra Cunningham
The answer is simple: wrestle for it. You can bring the power struggle to the mat. Horizontal aggression works wonders. The winner makes the call. Problem solved.
Maybe you’ll discover his kinky side while you’re at it.
The reality is you should pick the funner household. The one where your new relationship will be most celebrated. You don’t want to take any chances and make this your one and only Thanksgiving together. If you both come from great families (yawn) then go to the female’s family get together. Girls are always more excited to show off their new love and they are definitely better at making a guest feel at home. I remember when I went to Michigan with my ex boyfriend for a holiday, the minute he walked through the door of his mother’s house he ran downstairs to play drums and left me sitting on the couch with nothing to drink. His grandmother had a sandwich bag full of salami slices and a can of High Life. Eventually I said something like “ I haven’t had Salami and High Life in forever” and walaaa I was offered a beer. When he finally surfaced again I said “Hey I didn’t come all the way to Michigan to be treated like a college buddy” then I took a swig from my can of beer.
If you guys are already spending Thanksgiving together, I’m sure you can decide where to go without too much hoopla. You can always Skype with the family you didn’t go see. Be a real Modern Day Couple.
If worse comes to worse, threaten to break up with him if you don’t get your way.
Or talk about how you never had these problems with your ex who was so amenable and easy to be with.
Sometimes you gotta fuck with people to get the holiday you want.
Kisses-
Kendra
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
The Beast: John Powers
The answer is simple… your own family.
It’s too soon to be spending holidays together. Minimum dating duration to meet my family is 6 months. Let’s talk about this next year. Perhaps we can start with Valentine’s Day or Columbus Day or another meaningless holiday. Test the waters on birthdays and anniversaries before you get the whole extended family on Turkey Day.
For the sake of this blog being more than a paragraph, let’s assume things are going really well and you’re moving quickly. In that case you should be open-minded to spending time with your person’s people. You’ve spent years with your own family. It will be the same as last year but with Occupy jokes instead of Twilight-bashing. Your drunk Uncle will make fun of Republicans even though he secretly votes for them every time (those frickin’ immergrants!), and your Grandma will tell the same story she told last year about how Coney Island used to be a place people actually wanted to go to…
Your person’s family might be interesting. They might have some jokes you haven’t heard yet. A pet parrot that knows a few Spanish cuss words (…or will shortly!). It could bring you two closer to bond with her relatives. Things could get serious. At the very least you may gain some insights as to what she might look like in 30 years, or discover that she was adopted and everyone else in her family is Turkish.
The only downside is you have to be on your best behavior… especially if it’s the first time meeting the extended family. At her family’s Thanksgiving dinner you are an observer, not a participant. It means you have to stay moderately sober… you can’t cuss… there will be no political arguments. Basically just take pleasure in everyone else having a good time and judge your person based on the results.
…in other words, no fun at all.
Turducken anyone?!
- John
@ComicJohnPowers
www.JohnJPowers.com
facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers
John Powers is a 29-year-old, heterosexual, single male. He does graphics for TV by day, and standup comedy by night. He enjoys playing and listening to rock music, driving around with the top down on his convertible, walking aimlessly around Manhattan… and sipping on deep red wine near the beach…
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