What are the responsibilities of a wingman?

Beauty and The Beast: A weekly relationship advice column with Kendra Cunningham and John Powers

Fan Mail Question of The Week: What are the responsibilities of a wingman?

Beauty: Kendra Cunningham

Two racks are better than one

First of all, always be sure the wingman knows that they are the wingman. I can’t tell you how many times friends have asked me to meet them for drinks only to find out they really just wanted another set of boobs to walk in the bar with. Happy Hour becomes that much happier when the number of tits double.

Seriously, be clear when you’re looking for a wingman. Don’t say “hey you want to meet me for a drink and catch up” when what you really mean is “I want to go out and talk to male strangers but I don’t want to be obvious about it so if you could go with me and while we chat, my eyes will dart around the room until SOMEBODY picks up on my availability and approaches me, well us- but me. If you could then be fun, patient, and flattering, until, of course, “You’re late” to meet your man and you have to run off leavin us alone to become a couple. Cool?”

Or simply put “Will you sacrifice your time and energy for the off chance that I find a morsel of affection from a man Thursday night at the Blue Iguana Tiki Hut?”

Either way, be clear.

A good wingman is positive, constantly redirects focus and positive attention to the blossoming couple, and eventually, bewitches the target’s bros into a faux flirtation simply to keep them in a state of occupado. It’s a selfless job but if it’s done with the right fun loving attitude, who knows, maybe you’ll meet a wingman of the opposite sex.

Word on the street is the wingman is always better in bed.

At least that’s what this wingman is telling people.

Kisses-

Kendra

Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

www.kendracunningham.com

www.blondelogicblog.com

The Beast: John Powers

As a wingman, it’s your duty to assist your friend in his mission.

You’re like a basketball player setting a pick to help your teammate drive to the lane. You’re the diversion that helps your team score. When he scores, the whole team wins. You’re on the front line of the War on Abstinence, plunging head-first into the live fire in an attempt to get your troops safely onto the beach. His life is in your hands…

You’re like “My Buddy” and wherever he goes, you go. It doesn’t matter if it’s your kind of place. Last weekend I was at a joint called Mercury Bar… it was hardly a bar at all. When you first walked in it looked like a typical Irish Pub, but the further you walked the more it became a smelly dance hall. Nothing bothers me more (whilst drinking) than when people bump into me and spill my drink. If I didn’t give a damn about the liquid in the cup I’m holding, I would have gotten a Bud Light or some crap… you don’t get a #9 so that half of it ends up on your jacket.

…but I digest.

You’re not there to enjoy sipping a cold brew. You’re there to flirt. Your dude is going all in on this hand and someone needs to help pick up the slack. It doesn’t matter if you’re interested in (or attracted to) her friend or not. You are there as a distraction. Feign an interest. Indulge her and keep her occupied while your friend makes his move.

If your friend is doing well it’s your job to block any interference. Take your responsibilities seriously. You must not let your girl stop his from going with her impulses. Dance with her… ask lots of questions… kiss her if you have to… whatever it takes to stop them from making eye contact. That’s how you know they are getting ready to leave. When the girl you’re talking to raises her eyebrows and smiles with her mouth closed (you know, the corners of her lips move up but you know she’s faking it…) you know your time is almost up. Try getting some shots.

Hey, if your dude does well, it’s all worthwhile. There will come a day when you need a wingman, and that’s the day to remind your friend about the chubby chick you slept on the floor with so that he could spend that night in paradise with her attractive roommate.

…do what you must.
Stay thirsty my friends.

- John

Any questions? E-Male John:
CockBlockStop@JohnJPowers.com

@ComicJohnPowers

www.JohnJPowers.com
facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers

John Powers is a 29-year-old, heterosexual, single male. He does graphics for TV by day, and standup comedy by night. He enjoys playing and listening to rock music, driving around with the top down on his convertible, walking aimlessly around Manhattan… and sipping on deep red wine near the beach…