by Melani Robinson
One of my most vivid memories of the days just prior to my husband’s death was something he told me.
“I’m not afraid to die. I’ve done everything I wanted to do—lived a big life. It’s just that since I met you I’ve never had so much fun. I don’t want the fun to end.”
FUN. We certainly filled those five years with lots of that. It wasn’t easy—much of that time was spent fighting his cancer. We searched for humor in the toughest parts, even finding a way to laugh through his chemotherapy.
“For whatever reason I get turned on the moment they put the IV in my port.” He said to me as we sat in the small room–the poison dripping into his vein. “It’s like my body wants to prove something.”
“Excellent! Let’s take advantage of that,” I responded as I closed the blinds to the window, locked the door and sashayed towards him for what began our routine of weekly chemo sex. It included lots of awkward positions and raucous laughter.
“I don’t know what’s going on in there but keep it up,” said the nurse from the other side of the locked door. “Laughter is a sound we don’t hear too often in this place.”
I miss him every day for a multitude of reasons, but the fun we had is what I miss most. I want that joie de vivre again.
In the online dating world you can get pretty specific with the things you’re looking for. There’s a category for almost anything and here’s my selections:
Height: 5’10 – 6’10”
Age: 45-55
Body Type: About average, Slender, Athletic and toned
Eye color: No preference
Hair color: No preference
Smoke: No preference
Drink: No preference
Relationship: Widowed, Never married, Divorced
Have kids: No, Yes, they sometimes live at home, Yes, they live away from home
Want kids: No
Ethnicity: No preference
Faith: No preference
Language: English
Education: Bachelors degree, Masters, PhD/Post Doctoral
The problem is there’s no way to measure how fun a person might be. I’ve noticed a few guys have tried to make it clear that they’re a laugh a minute. Several have profile photos wearing, um, interesting hats. A few are making hi-lar-ious faces. Many White Man’s Overbite pics, others with the devil horn fingers and the corresponding Rock and Roll Sneer, and one guy even went so far as to have his main picture wearing a bright red clown nose.
I don’t think any of those men are who I’m looking for but I guess the only way to know for sure is to spend time in their company—I do draw the line with the clown, though.
I’m not judging and have my share of moments captured on Kodachrome—or the digital form of that medium. I’m just wondering if there’s a better way to relay one’s Fun Essence. Wouldn’t a snappy profile with some subtle humor be a better alternative? Somehow I don’t think Mr. Right would be turned on if I chose to add the photos below to my profile, but you be the judge.
This was taken at a very large Italian wedding I attended. I have named this photo “Jersey Shore-25-Year Reunion.” The song that we (thanks, Dawn and Mario) were dancing to was Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer.” You must know the significance of that anthem in this neck of the woods and our arms reflect the requisite, “OH YEAH.” If you lean in closer to your screen you can see the wad of blue gum in my mouth—so sophisticated! The dress is Valentino and I’ve absolutely no doubt that Mr. Garavani would find my behavior reprehensible. To The Last Emperor, I apologize.
This beauty was taken with two of my daughter’s friends, Lindsey and Cassie. I was teaching them my “sexy-shoulders move” with the coordinating face. I practice that come hither look in the mirror for an hour prior to any event I’m attending where dancing may be involved and although the photo doesn’t show it–those hips don’t lie.
This moment was captured on the same evening as the previous photo. I owned that dance floor! I believe the song was “Shout” and the song instructs us to throw our hands up. I’m a little disappointed that the photographer didn’t catch me getting “a little bit lower now.” I was waaaaayyyyy down there and although those around me may have thought I got too low and my knee gave out—they would be wrong. It was a strategic move to end up splayed out and prone. I was “pretending” to lose my balance—that flop was choreographed beautifully and all eyes were on me. Special thanks to the random/unknown women in the photo who mistakenly thought I needed help getting up. I apologize for screaming, “Don’t stifle my creative expression!”
I like a Bad Boy. I’m told that my persona reflects anything but, so I’ve created a move sure to attract that edgy male who thinks I’m a bit conservative. That man who’ll both rock my world and scare me a little. Any time I see a potential Big Poppa I stick in my iPod earbuds, crank up Jay Z’s “Dirt Off Your Shoulder,” and get busy. It certainly grabs their attention but I wouldn’t recommend it in elevators as I accidentally flicked one person in the eye. Oops! Sorry, Playa. In the photo below I’m showing my friends Jeanne and Lisa, how “ladies is pimps too.”
So what do you think? Probably best to keep the proof of my extreme fun-ness off of my profile for now, avoid those online men who share too much, and look for the guy with the written profile that makes me chuckle. AND, I do look forward to meeting him.
“I’ve always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, ‘Ain’t that the truth.’” Quincy Jones
Be sure to follow Melani on Twitter: @Melani_Robinson
For More on Melani, check out her blog: 1 Year of Online Dating
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