Should I Confront Him?

Beauty and The Beast: A weekly relationship advice column with Kendra Cunningham and John Powers

Fan Mail Question of The Week: I recently started talking to a guy. He invited me out,  declined. Now I have reason to suspect he is married. How can I tell without confronting him?

- Concerned Carmella

The Beast: John Powers

Carmella,

Find a guy who you know isn’t married.  That’s the easiest thing to do in this situation.  Sure, there might be something you find attractive about this guy you’ve met (… maybe because he doesn’t try too hard… he’s already got someone) and maybe you have chemistry, but it’s just not worth it.  Simply forget about this guy and go meet another.  There’s plenty of them out there, and I’m sure you can find one that is not already committed.

That being said, I’ll indulge your question.

The best way to find out if someone is married or not is to spy on them.  I have never been married, but I have had a secret admirer go too far.  You must be careful he does not find out what you’re doing.  Stealth is necessary.

Your day starts around 4am (… assuming his starts around 6am, if it’s later adjust accordingly).  You have some coffee and a pop tart, then slip into your tight black ninja-gear.  By the time you pull up to his street your black mask and wool hat should be firmly in place.

Hide in the bushes.  Sneak around the side of the house and try to determine which bedroom he sleeps in.  If he is still in it, you can try to see if anyone is next to him.  If he’s already out of bed… abandon ship… it’s already too late.  Flee the vicinity and start fresh tomorrow.  The last thing you want is to be caught in his bushes at 6:15am.  Let’s assume he is out of bed, but you see the bathroom light on… you may still have a chance.  Just hope that he takes long showers and be careful he is not looking out the window whilst urinating.

Once he gets in his car, follow him directly to work.  Maintain a safe distance so he doesn’t suspect he’s being followed.  Borrow a friend’s car if he knows what yours looks like.  See who he interacts with at work and watch his body language carefully.

… then go back to his house.

Now’s your chance to snoop around a bit more.  Go through the garbage and see if the back door is unlocked.  If you can’t get in the back try the windows… but before you open anything, check to make sure there is no alarm set.  If you’re able to get inside, that’s when the real detective work starts.  Check for women’s cosmetics and hygiene products in his bathroom, or clothing around the bedroom.  Look at pictures on desks and walls.  Pink towels are a big tip-off – no straight guy would have pink towels for any reason other than appeasing a woman.

Once you’ve seen enough of his house, head back to his place of business.  By now he’s probably getting ready to go on break.  See who he eats with and where he goes.  Keep track of anyone he seems too friendly with. Stay nearby till his shift ends.  Once he’s off the clock, follow him back home (or to a bar), and again maintain safe distance.  Does he meet male friends?  A female with bright red lipstick and lots of cleavage?

If your day ends with no proof of him having a committed relationship, there is a chance that he is not actually married… or his wife lives somewhere else.  Maybe they are separated.  Perhaps they have an open relationship.  You know what… this is probably all a waste of time.  Come to The Power Hour saturday night.  I’ll introduce you to some guys that I know for sure are not married (… I’ve followed them).

Any questions?  E-Male:

AGuideToStalking@johnjpowers.com

- John

www.johnjpowers.com

@ComicJohnPowers

facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers