Beauty And The Beast, a weekly dating advice column with Kendra Cunningham and John Powers
Fan Mail Question of The Week:
Dear Kendra & John,
“Where can I meet girls if I don’t drink?”
Beauty: Kendra Cunningham
I strongly believe you can do anything you want to do. You decide you want to meet someone, you will. Here are a few ideas.
You’re sober now so why not be fit? Join a beginners running group. You get to see what she looks like when she runs. For me, that’s a deal breaker. If anyone sees me running, I write them off. I don’t look good when I run. It’s impossible to erase that image from your head. Take my word for it.
Not a runner? Check out Zogsports, an organized sports community. They have basketball, softball, and all sorts of other teams to join. Join a team and make some friends. Not only that you have a new identity. Suddenly you are a basketball player. Why? Because you play basketball on Tuesdays. People love people who do things.
Take classes in anything and everything. Language classes, cooking classes, dance classes. People in classes are looking to learn something new- they might as well learn about you and your sober single status. Try to take a class with homework or that requires collaboration, that way you have an excuse to make plans outside of class. Even if you don’t meet anyone you want to date, you’re bound to meet other dudes with similar interests. Maybe they’ll let you take a dip in their pool of females. Then you already have a leg up on strangers, you KNOW somebody who knows them.
Go somewhere! Travel groups let you see the opposite sex in travel mode. I have to be able to travel with someone. That’s all I want to do when I get older is travel with my sweetheart. Let’s face it, some people fare better in the ten mile radius of home than sipping a 7 liquor cocktail with a fancy scarf tied around your head, heading East on a gondola. Some people would not enjoy that scenario. Better to find out informally in a group than one on one. Plus people on vacation are more prone to casual sex. You can parlay that into something. Believe me, I do it all the time.
Keep us posted. This sober thing fascinates me.
I honestly believe I’d be skinny and productive and in love if I was sober.
Better to believe the fantasy, huh?
Thanks for listening.
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
Drinking certainly helps.
Wait, what? No drinking? Ah.
Well… you’re gonna have a hard go at it. Drinking is a social lubrication (haha). There’s nothing easier than going to a bar and finding someone in the same mental condition looking for the same thing you are. You lock eyes… smile… wink… and that’s it.
Meeting a girl without booze is a challenge but it can happen. I’ve met sober women in the strangest of places… while riding the subway (take out your earbuds and start a conversation)… in a Subway sandwich shop (ask for extra mayo)… there’s no wrong place to meet someone. The only stipulation is that you need to be in public. The only place you are guaranteed not to meet anyone is inside your own home (the computer doesn’t count… they’re not real until you meet in person).
… and hey, if she’s not drunk, there’s a strong chance she is a good person. It will be worth the effort. I’d much rather meet my future wife at a museum than a bar. There’s much to be said for a lady who stays in reading or knitting on a saturday night. She may be quiet and reserved, but many of the shy ones are the wildest in bed. They don’t need drinks to have fun. Take her camping, or go to a show. Engaging in non-alcoholic activities with your person builds a stronger connection… mostly because you’ll both remember it the next day.
Just keep in mind… she’s sober. It will be much harder to break through that “random stanger” zone and into the “person I might date” area. Not impossible… just harder. My best advice is to be yourself… or at least a first-impression version of yourself (if you start with the obscene gestures and fart jokes, she may not be interested). Say something witty and casual…. be playful and sincere. Once the ice is broken the rest is up to the laws of attraction and the smell of your pheramones.
… if you need a quick confidence boost there’s nothing wrong with hitting up the bar scene friday before the charity fundraiser saturday.
Ask me anything… I will answer.
John Powers is a 29-year-old heterosexual male. He does graphics for TV by day, and standup comedy by night. He enjoys playing and listening to rock music, driving around with the top down on his convertible, and spending time with people he cares about…
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