Fan Mail Question of The Week:
Dear John & Kendra,
“I’ve been sleeping with this girl for a while and the past few times all she can talk about is a relationship. How come guys can have hookups but girls always get attached?!”
- Marvin, New Rochelle
Beauty: Kendra Cunningham
First off, it’s not always women who want more from a sexual relationship. There are plenty of men out there who can’t keep up a long term sexual relationship without some introspection about relationship development.
Now in your case, the girl wants more from you. I gotta be honest, I can’t stand when anybody gripes about having people interested in them. It’s a pet peeve of mine. When I hear people whining about how much of an inconvenience it is that someone is interested in getting to know them better and in caring about them and becoming closer with them, it’s like ‘Please!’. You claim she wants to have a relationship, guess what? You guys are already having a relationship! Sounds like it’s predominantly sexual, but it is a relationship. Merriam Webster defines relationship as a “romantic or passionate attachment’. I’m gonna assume you have good sex or neither one of you would be coming back for more, so there! You’re in a passionate relationship. Now she wants to spend more time with you. This is what is so annoying, in men and women alike. Someone your involved with says ‘hey this is fun, let’s try to parlay it into something with substance and longevity” and you say ‘nah’ but then you continue to participate, sending mixed signals and basically, encouraging the very feelings you don’t want her to have. Guess what? She’s not the fucked up one. It’s healthy to care about people and want to be involved in the day to day happenings of people you care for. What’s fucked up is someone telling you “hey I like you more than I used to, I’d like that to be reflected in the time we spend together” and you see that as a nuisance. Dude, if you just want to have emotionless sex, have one night stands or find a really crazy chick to do it with. Don’t torture someone who likes you. Odds are you’ll keep doing whatever makes you feel good. I mean if you really gave a shit, when this girl started talking about relationship stuff you would have said “hey, I like you but I don’t want the same things that you want. Let’s not see each other for a while and see how we feel in a few months’
Anywho, I think there are all sorts of relationships out there. As long as everybody’s happy, it’s all good. Once you start hurting other people, it’s time to get out. Or make some behavior changes, but we all know how hard that is for men, excuse me, boys.
I would say have a happy life but I get the impression you want to be thought of as emotionless, so, I’ll leave you with this quote from Norman Schwarzkopf, also known as Stormin’ Norman:
“The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.”
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
It’s in our nature, Marvin. Women are instinctively monogamous. They want to meet a man that appeals to their animal instincts (looks big, strong and will make big, strong babies) and then they want to take him off the market.
Why is it that so many women like athletes? They are in good shape… they have lots of stamina… and they are usually not too bright. That’s exactly what women want. Just someone to stand alongside them, say nice things, and give them babies. If every woman out there could find her own Eli Manning, there would be a lot less web traffic on match.com.
Plus, as I’ve always said, women are like venus fly-traps. They are carnivorous monsters with an appealingly sticky center. Once you step foot on them, they start to close around you. If you let them have the foot, they just keep going for more. If you’re not looking to get swallowed by a murderous plant-woman, the best thing to do is stay away from them completely.
They’re all programmed for it. “I don’t want babies… I don’t want to move to Long Island… I never want to be a housewife…” It’s all bullshit. They all do. I’ve dated plenty of feminists and head-strong, type-A non-conformist overachievers, and they all secretly want to be at home with a baby at the breast while their man is out hunting.
Men are built to spread our seed (go back and read my “Johnny Appleseed Theory” post…). It is natural for men to want to have many women and not sleep next to any of them… but you need to decide which this particular woman is. Sounds like she’s opening her trap.