Beauty And The Beast, a weekly dating advice column with Kendra Cunningham and John Powers
Fan Mail Question of The Week:
Dear John & Kendra,
“I have to harass my guy to go down on me, even though I go down on him on a regular basis. I’m sure guys have run into it too. What is the deal with anti-oral sex partners? I just don’t understand.”
Carmen from Hoboken
Beauty: Kendra Cunningham
Believe it or not I’ve been in this situation before and I was also flabbergasted. I talked to my boyfriend as well as numerous other people about it and the most common answers I got were
No pussy eating confidence
He doesn’t really know what to do down there so he avoids it. All girls are different so they want different things and he doesn’t even know where to start. If this is your guy, the good news is he hasn’t been chowing down on everybody in town the bad news is, guys hate to talk about and address anything that questions their manhood. So having a conversation about the whole situation is going to be tough but you have to do it, obviously. Nobody deserves to go through life without oral sex. Well, maybe some people but not you. Not somebody who only seeks reciprocity. You can always play hardball. The old “if you don’t do it, neither do I” routine. See how long that goes ignored.
Vaginal hygiene suspicion
Some guys are skeeved out by the whole feminine hygiene situation. One guy told me he had some rank cooter and would not put his face anywhere near her mudflaps or anybody else’s for that matter, for years. I get it. That one goes both ways. I don’t know too many guys who rub their nuts with butterscotch body scrub before a night on the town. How do you deal with this one? Nobody wants to be pleading “hey check it out, I just cleaned it”. Are either one of you known for having a sense of humor? Make a joke out of it. When you’re making out, push his head down there. Guys do that to get head, girls can too. Or get a nice waxing and be like “check it out! look! No look CLOSER” then shove his face in it. Or you can just climb up and stick it in his face. Believe it or not, that move sometimes takes some explaining so you may end up having a conversation about it after all.
Just plain lazy
Some guys just don’t care about extracurricular activities. Foreplay isn’t in their vocabulary. In fact his vocabulary is probably lacking a bunch of stuff like “Thank you”, “Let’s get outta the house tonight”, and ‘Let me pay for this”. The bottom line is, you got a real problem on your hands. I hate to say it but you’re going to have to say something.
Here’s my best advice: Look good, get drunk, be nice, say something. Odds are he’ll be like ‘ok” then fall asleep on your belly on his way down there. He’s lazy. Don’t expect him to move too much.
So if you get him to do it, let me know how! I’m always looking for new strategies.
If nothing works, get out.
Tell his friends why it’s over.
Maybe one of them will go down on you.
Kisses-
Kendra
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
The Beast: John Powers
Some people just don’t do oral. I call them ex-girlfriends. We have already addressed that oral sex is necessary for a healthy relationship… (Is Lack of Oral a Dealbreaker?) Why would you not be excited to give someone pleasure? Show them that you care, and open your mouth.
“I have to harass my guy to go down on me, even though I go down on him on a regular basis. I’m sure guys have run into it too. What is the deal with anti-oral sex partners? I just don’t understand.”
Why would you not reciprocate? Every good relationship takes collaboration. You give and you get. If you don’t give, you won’t get. Get into it. Dive down and get excited about getting your person excited. Just think… the better you do tonight, the better you’ll get tomorrow night.
If you simply don’t like doing it… then you’re a fool… or just not a very sexual person. That’s fine. Find another a-sexual loser who doesn’t care much about physical pleasure and enjoy playing chess together… freaks!
- John Powers
http://www.johnjpowers.com
facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers
@ComicJohnPowers
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Kendra’s “Methods of Getting a Guy to Go Down on Me” is possible the greatest thing I’ve ever read. It reminds me again why I love being a part of this venture. It’s awesome when she surprises me with “push his head down there”… love it.
I once met Brittany Andrews, a contemporary of Jenna Jameson, and she said that going down was overrated. That a lot of guys didn’t know what they were doing when they were munching the rug. I thought she had a point. So many guys have self-esteem tied into the sex act. It’s both stupid and appalling. And women want this certain kind of macho man in the sack. What if he’s bad at it and knows it? Maybe he is just saving you the trouble.
Plus sometimes a dude is just inexperienced. Do you honestly want to be the Mr. Miawgi?
“I don’t know too many guys who rub their nuts with butterscotch body scrub before a night on the town.” LMFAO!!!
I agree with John… “Kendra’s “Methods of Getting a Guy to Go Down on Me” is possible the greatest thing I’ve ever read.”
BUT, on to my “contribution to the issue at hand (no pun intended)
There are many “instructional” videos out there. They are very “porn like” and your partner should enjoy them. You could also try using a vibrator with him being involved. Show him what pleasures you.
Sometimes… yes, sticking it in his face works too… especially when you’re going down on him.
I also read a really great post on tumblr… but I cant seem to find it. Will update if I do.
Good luck!