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Oh babies and bubbas it is a mere morning after the NBA trade deadline and the key word is dead. That is if you happen to be like me……….. a Boston Celtic fan. Last night my team parted ways with a vital piece of chemistry. That gentleman was Kendrick Perkins. A rough and tough batch of Texan that played center for the squad when they took home the banner in 2008. One of the few pieces that was kept after GM Danny Ainge traded for KG and Ray Allen ( the others were PAul Pierce and Rajon Rando). Traded with Nate Robinson to the Thunder for Jeff Green and Kristic (I have no intrest in trying to write Kristic’s first name. Look it up yourselves if you don’t know it. I can’t do everything around here!!!!!!

Sorry the trade has made me cranky. I’ll try and keep it together for the rest of this piece) For years Ainge was building a team of young assets and then he traded them away (Delonte West, Al Jefferson, Gerald Green) for the formation of the big three. Well Rondo and Perk were the one’s he kept. And Celtic fans prayed that our former 2 guard turned front office leader kept the right big man and point guard. He did. 2008 says it all. WORLD CHAMPS!!!!! Paul was the cpt. KG was the feild general, Ray was the dagger, Rondo was the spark and Perk was the anchor.

The protector, the one who handled the dirty work which is the paint in the NBA. he wasn’t the best player but we knew that with him anything was possible. And without him in game 7 of the 2010 Finals winning was impossible. Paul Gasol grabbed so many bricks from the rim you’d think he was gonna build a house. If Perk was there the story could have ended another way. He would of bullied that LLama looking Spainard like Byron Willie bullied me around in 7th grade ( he was a mean sod). Perk was a lovable chunk of a brute. And now “he’s gone and there is nothing we can do about it.” That is a quote from my favorite film of all time “Goodfellas.” It was right after Tommy (Joe Pesci) got whacked.

The turning point in the movie. The fun and games was over. Paranoia was about to kick in. Same with the Celts. PAranoia has kicked in. And not the Kind Henry (Ray Liotta) felt at the end of the film. This is no coke haze. The paronoia belongs to Danny Ainge. And it’s the same paronoia that Jimmy Conway (Bobby De Niro) had at the end of the film. Conway had just pulled off the impossible ( the luftansa heist) and now he was eliminating pieces of the puzzle. Whacking all the guys that helped him pull off the heist. Well bucko’s Ainge is eliminating pieces of the puzzle that helped him do the impossible ( win the 2008 crown). He’s not scared of getting caught. he’s petrified of not winning again. So scared that Poor perk got clipped like Maurey did. From behind. No clue it was happening. Probably on his way to buy his girl a danish. And now the movie continues in a haze of paranoia. The team just like the film I’m comparing it to is on a downward spiral.

The charming chemistry is gone. The good times are done. No more front row at the Copa or championships. Without the lovable lummox the Celts need to rely on both O’neals being healthy in the playoffs. That’s like relying on your stripper girlfriend to stay faithful. It might happen and if it does you better appreciatte the miracle bubbas!!!! And now this NBA season resembles the 1992 oscars for best picture. The Celts represent “GOOdfellas” outstanding but panicked at the end. The Heat represent “The Godfather part 3″ good in theory but very flawed. And in the end knowone beats “Dances with Wolves” ( The Spurs). Even though we were all bored watching them. And so it goes…………………………..

Video produced by Scott Chamberlin

Come See The Breakout Artist Comedy Series: February 1st Headlined by The Comedy Point’s Own Maddog Mattern at Caroline’s on Broadway. Click the link and purchase tickets. ONLY $5 when you mention Maddog’s name.

Click the link https://www.carolines.com/event/315/breakout-artist-comedy-series-mad-dog-mattern

Come See The Breakout Artist Comedy Series: February 1st Headlined by The Comedy Point’s Own Maddog Mattern at Caroline’s on Broadway. Click the link and purchase tickets. ONLY $5 when you mention Maddog’s name.

Click the link https://www.carolines.com/event/315/breakout-artist-comedy-series-mad-dog-mattern

All right let’s start with the fact that the fall is the best season. We only truly get about 6-8 weeks of this chilly but beautiful weather. The leaves as we know our turning. And that also means that footballs are turning. The two seasons ( fall and football) go hand and hand like celebrity teens and substance abuse. So it should be no shock that I am watching football. (gasp) But what will shock ya’ babies is that I’m watching high school football. No I’m not at an actual game. And no I am not hunting for teenage poontang ( clean your minds you sods). I am watching it on ESPN. That’s right. I am watching High School football on tv on a Friday night. I AM A JUNKIE!!!!!!!!!
Two schools from Georgia are playing to probably only a couple hundred people. The stands are as empty as a Justien Bieber fan’s skull ( no offense bubbas, y’all develop brains in the next couple years, that is if you are Beiber fans in high school. If you are Bieber fans and not in high school you will never develop brains. Have fun working at Wall mart.) yet the crowd sounds more into it than most pro games. Hell, the crowd is livlier than a Springsteen concert. For crying out loud they sound louder than an audience at the filming of a Katy Perry sex tape ( that would be a really good crowd I bet!!!!). And that is the beauty of High School ball. It captures the emotion of youth trying to reach a dream. The players have a dream of playing in college and then the pro’s. But they also dream of having sex with cheerleaders because they are miniature gods. One can’t sleep on the importance of this. Most of these boys will do nothing related to football after high school let alone college.

Most of these poor bastards will be joining the working week when their studies are done. So all they have is these moments on the gridiron. They can be hero’s just for one day. Hero’s to a school and to a small number of peers. They can be rock stars to these people as well. Conquering warrriors who will do minute long keg stands after their game, en route to the bed room where they will deflower some poor innocent thing who will carry that moment and story with her years after she’s raised a family. And that’s what high school ball is about. Not just the emotion and dreams of the players. But the emotion and dreams of the patrons in the stands.
The players are a symbol of community and school pride. They also represent the hope of everyone in the stands. The hope that someone who is one of them becomes somebody. There is hope that someday a kid in the stands can say ” You like so and so? Well he was the QB at my high school. I remember when he threw 3 td’s and hooked up with my cousin after shotgunning 12 Natty Ice’s in 2 minutes. Ya’ should of been there.” And some how we all would wish we were there.

All anyone wants is to be apart of something. And High School ball not only is a something. It gives the hope of a bigger something. Having a piece of a somebody. Even if it is with some distance. That’s why it’s great. I don’t even care about the level of play. All I care is that I hear the crowd. And as long people have dreams those crowds will roar like a pride of lions on blow.

Picture taken from www.Stuartngbooks.com

She is gorgeous. That’s all she is. I’ve tried to pretend she is an angel. But she has horns and has sorted me out in an elevator. That’s no angel bubbas. That’s something else. I get excited thinking of her. But she doesn’t think of me. Only when there is nothing else to do. That’s when the phone rings. And like a dummy I answer. “Maybe this is the night,” I think. We will continue were we left off. Instead I get left off. Off her radar.

Sure, I get other women. But she’s the one. The one that I want. The one that is wrong but feels right. The one that eats at the soul till there is nothing left to feel. The one that can excite a dead gay man. The one that makes you hate her and love her at the same time. I’ve waited for her for a long time. And I will have to keep waiting, because it’s moment has passed. Two weeks was it’s life span. That’s all it was meant to be. I’m just chasing a memory.

A Haiku by Maddog Mattern

I drink way too much
It is a whole lot of fun
Hangovers builds character

Fruit is real good bubbas
I eat apples a whole lot
I might live forever