Fan Mail Question of The Week:

Dear Kendra & John,

I want to share a small issue about my boyfriend. He is not good at picking the right clothes for any occasion because he is 8 yrs older than me so expect an old fashion type of a guy. I tried to accept and slowly gave him some advices but it never works. I am just wondering if you can give me an advice about my problem.

Thanks,

Felicity

Beauty:  Kendra Cunningham

If you don’t like your man’s style, buy him the clothes you want him to wear. Tell him he’ll look sexy in them. Or hot. Or youthful. Use an adjective that will be the most mouthwatering for him. Don’t bring him shopping with you. Don’t talk to him about it. If this guy isn’t naturally stylish, a good old fashioned conversation is not going to change that. You are going to have to single handedly infiltrate his unfashionable gray matter. Start with one item. Nothing major, a shirt. Now here’s the thing, once you buy him the shirt you can’t simply expect him to wear it. You then have to say “why don’t you wear the shirt I gave you to Bob and Mary’s poker party Saturday?”  If he shows up with it on, you got yourself a new wardrobe to buy.

If he doesn’t wear it and you ask, kindly “what happened to the shirt I bought you?”

And he doesn’t answer or says he forgot, you may have a man with makeover resistance on your hands.

I had one of those guys once. He enjoyed dressing cheap. I told him “you can be cheap and stylish”. He didn’t want to. He liked acting, being and looking cheap.

You can’t change that.

Which brings me to my next point, if you have a makeover resistor, his “style” may be representative of more than just poor taste in clothes. Your guy dresses old? Maybe he is old. Maybe he feels old. He acts old. Here’s the clincher, maybe he LIKES all these things about himself. Guys don’t change unless they want to. They aren’t like women who are willing to pretend to change until the man becomes emotionally dependent on them, then revert back to their real selves. If a guy doesn’t want to change, he won’t.

Then you have to decide, can you live with a man with no style? More importantly, can you live with a man who won’t change for you? I mean don’t you want to rule the roost?

You may be in for an eternal power struggle.

The only other manipulative solution I can think of is, change YOUR style to something he can’t stand. He doesn’t like flannels on women? Suddenly you want to be a lumber jack. You see where I’m going with this? Then you’re in a position to negotiate.

Start with buying the shirt though.

Leave the tags on it.

Unless of course, you have a back up to give it to.

Thanks for listening!

Kisses-

Kendra

Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

www.kendracunningham.com                   

www.blondelogicblog.com

The Beast: John Powers

The older we get, the less flexible we become. Our habits are locked in and we like what we like. Your dude is 8 years older… I’m not good at math, but that’s nearly a decade.

I’m not surprised his fashion sense is different than yours. You grew up in a different era. Do you ever wonder why old men wear those powder blue jeans pulled up to their chests? That was the style in the 50′s…

Let’s take a moment to consider the differences between the 80′s and 90′s…

In the 80′s people wore neon, parachute pants, backwards clothes, and had curly, frizzy hair. They listened to Paula Abdul, MC Hammer, Bon Jovi, and Cindy Lauper. It was a strange time… we should have noticed something was amiss sooner.

In the 90′s it was plaid shirts, acid-washed jeans, weird hats, and long hair with blond streaks. We listened to Pearl Jam, LL Cool J, Nirvana, and Shaggy. If someone walked into a party in the 90′s dressed like 1987, it would have been cause for ridicule.

The way I see it you have 3 options. You can helpfully suggest some new(er) fashion ideas to your old man, love him for who he is… or find a guy your own age. You might simply be more hip than your antique gentleman. Try to take him shopping… and casually pick out something a bit more edgy than he’s used to. See how he responds. Be subtle and use language from his generation. That would be groovy.

… if that doesn’t work, wait for your High School reunion.

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Fan Mail Question of The Week:

Kendra & John,

“What do women never say?” when in relationships.

Sincerely a fan,

Pat

The Beast:  John Powers

The Comedy Point in it’s attempt to set up our good friend and fellow comedian, “Space Cookie,” Mike Bocchetti with a female he can settle down with. We decided it would be fitting for our relationship advice columnists Kendra Cunningham and John Powers should give Mike some dating advice.

SOUL Joel proposed the following questions to John and Kendra:

“How can Mike Bocchetti find a girl?

What does he need to do, both before the date and during?”

Beauty: Kendra Cunningham

I love me some Mike Bocchetti. He is by far the politest comic I have ever met. He is funny. He likes to collaborate. He’s an all around likable guy. So yeah, I’m on board with getting involved with this whole “Where the hell is Mrs. Bocchetti?” or, to cast the net a little wider, “Donde esta la senorita Bocchetti?”

First, talk to your women friends. Ask for help. Most guys who have been single for a while need a women’s touch in the appearance department. Wardrobe, hair style, glasses vs contacts, shoes vs sneakers. Pick your favorite female friends and ask them to turn you into a real headturner. Girls LOVE to change guys. We live for that shit. You should have no problem finding takers. A balls out full on makeover? It’s a gift from God.

Two, throw on your new duds and get out to a bar. Mingle. Get some practice bullshitting around with all the small talk. There is nothing worse than going on a date with a guy who clearly hasn’t spent a lot of time around women recently. Consider this practice- the warm up. Keep going to bars until you feel really comfortable around the ladies. Then start thinking about dates.

Three, ask someone out. Even if you’re not feeling it. Just go on a date. I hate to say this, but you probably already know anyways, dating sucks. I despise dating. If dating were a person, I would snub them. Set realistic expectations for yourself. You’ll probably have to spend a lot of time with morons and psychopaths. Time you will never recoup. Time you could have used to make a comedic short, or take a nap or just staring at the ceiling in peace.

I respect your dedication to finding the one. It’s a tough task to take on. Good luck and if you want me to go shopping with you, let me know!

One more thing, don’t reveal your desire to get married until date three. Or until you do it with her. Whichever comes first.
Best of luck Bocchetti!

Thanks for listening!

Kisses-

Kendra

Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

www.kendracunningham.com
www.blondelogicblog.com

The Beast: John Powers

Mr. Bocchetti has a few obstacles to climb, but there is (supposedly) someone for everyone.  A lot has changed in the dating scene since the 90′s (most of the woman in their 20′s are now in their 40′s…) but it is still possible for Mike to find his special someone.

To start, he will need to lower his standards.  A girl in her late 20′s or early 30′s still has hope.  You need to find a woman without hope, Mike.  She might not be fertile, but who knows, you might not be either.  It seems to me (and everyone else who sees you shirtless) that you’re a bit overweight.  You might have a good shot at landing a big woman with small standards.  Use your celebrity as an incentive.

Start with common interests.  You like banana bread… join a baking class or a meetup group.  Find some women who enjoy baking things and offer yourself up as their designated eater.  Sometimes women like guys that eat a lot.  Get active.  Go outside.  Talk to women you meet during your day, but be careful not to come off as creepy.  When you say, “Hey, I’m a lonely comedian looking for some love,” women tend to think something is up.  Dating is no joke.  Take it seriously.

Once you find someone… treat her right.  If she likes post-it notes, leave them all over her apartment.  Figure out what her plan is for the future.  It sounds like you’re looking for something serious… but relationships take time to develop – don’t rush anything.  Let her decide if she wants to see you again.  Be honest, truthful and direct… but don’t tell her how desperate you are.  Women interpret desperation as a sign of… desperation.

If it doesn’t work out with the first one, don’t fret… there are plenty of fat chicks with bad self esteem out there!

Ask me anything… I will answer.

Email: GetBocchettiLaid@johnjpowers.com

http://www.johnjpowers.com

facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers

Fan Mail Question of The Week:

Kendra & John,

When should you show your tattoo to the person you’re dating? How many is too many?

The Beast: John Powers

I’ve got no issue with tattoos.

Beauty and The Beast: A weekly relationship advice column with Kendra Cunningham and John Powers

Fan Mail of The Week:

I’m with a guy, and he’s kind of a pussy. He does whatever I want but it just doesn’t feel right because he’s not assertive or manly. I’d like to dump him, but I like the flowers too. What should I do?

The Beast:  John Powers

Beauty and The Beast:

 Beauty: Kendra Cunningham

Operating under the assumption “really heavy” means you turned that studio apartment into a black market steamroom, odds are your friendship is doomed. Sure you can try to talk it out but that means you BOTH have to agree to be vulnerable and honest. There are two sides to every story. You see it as two long term friends who suddenly realized they had “more than friends” feelings for each other. It happened. It counts. Maybe she thought you were two friends who were lonely but can never be together because you’ve been friends for so long. I don’t know. The point is you either hash it out or you let the chips fall where they may.

Thing is, there are a lot of people in this world who are great at being a friend but horrible in the boyfriend/girlfriend role. They don’t like themselves for some reason and they don’t want to reveal more than you already know because they are convinced you won’t like them and quite frankly, they like having you like them. Unhappy people seek out people who make them feel better. It’s human nature.

What do you have to gain by fighting for this relationship? Pros and cons. Write ‘em down. Sometimes it really comes down to that. It’s not until the past few years I realized I can let relationships die. All my life I tried to maintain relationships. Guess what? Relationship maintainers end up doing a lot of work. Calling, planning, follow up questioning about life events, listening to the same bullshit for years, after a while you say “what am I getting out of this?”. Sure you get the reputation of being a great friend. Or someone who tried to make the situation work out, but seriously, whoopy ding dong.

The most you can hope for is someone who gives a hoote about you enough to step out of their comfort zone and do things that they know make you feel special. Hopefully that someone has a great sense of humor, can kiss likes it’s nobody’s business, and is the monogamous type.

Stop thinking about how to handle this situation and start thinking about how it needs to pan out so that YOU feel good about it.

Once you’re in a good head space, take yourself out on the town.

Meeting new people always helps us to remember how likable we are.

Summers coming

Time to trim the fat!

Thanks for listening!

Kisses-

Kendra

Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

www.kendracunningham.com

www.blondelogicblog.com

 The Beast: John Powers

It’s always tough dating friends, yet it happens all the time.
The question of inter-sex friendship is one we have already addressed (… and you say he’s just a friend, and we’ve even covered the question of staying friends with an ex (… do I need another useless facebook freind?, but this sounds like an interesting dilemma.  It really depends on how well you know each other, how effected you were by this brief romantic relationship, and how much you value them as a person.

My humble opinion is that you should place a monetary value on this person’s life.  How much would you pay to get them out on bail?  Would you be upset if a lion escaped from the Zoo and mauled them?  Could you bring yourself to forgive them for breaking your heart and giving you herpes?  Do you feel like your entire life would have been a waste of time if you never saw this person again?  Are you able to overlook whatever bothered you about the romantic relationship for the sake of the friendship that was?  If you answered “yes” to any of these questions… you should stay friends.

There’s a big difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship…boinking!  Did you two boink?!  If so, your friendship will never be the same.  Things are always different after you’ve swapped bodily fluids.  Even if she didn’t swallow, you’ll always remember the look on her face when she pretended to climax…

There was a time that I dated someone from my past.  It just feels right with people you already know… you trust them… you know some of the people they’ve slept with… It didn’t work out, but there was a good reason, and I’m better off for it.  Did I stay friends?  No.  I deleted her on facebook and that lion from the zoo took care of the rest.

… back to another stupid dating site (our opinion on dating sites!)

* I have included a lot of links to previous blogs in this one, mainly because there have been a lot of great articles and insightful tips written by myself and Kendra since we’ve been doing this (I’m so modest).  You should go back and read some of them… leave comments, and ask us questions about your own relationships…

Ask me anything… I will answer.  E-Male:

AllMyExesLiveInLionsDens@johnjpowers.com

- John

www.johnjpowers.com

@ComicJohnPowers

facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers

Beauty and The Beast:

Sam

Beauty: Kendra Cunningham

There is nothing more fun than a work crush. You know when you will have access to your crush. You can think of a million work related excuses to have a dialogue with your crush. Plus any positive feelings in the work place feel so friggin good. I would imagine it’s similar to prison romance. You end up with intense emotions for someone you wouldn’t shake astick at in the outside world. So congratulations for finding some fun at work but I would say TAKE NO ACTION.

People are completely different beasts once they walk through that “More Than Friends” door. Ask her what discrete means. Some people don’t know. You might give her a little smooch, maybe a buttock cupping, after Happy Hour and suddenly she’s a permanent fixture in your cubicle looking more like a shot girl at the Havana Club than a Project Administrator. The possibility of sex and romance can make the most level headed worker bee, aggressive, manipulative and above all else, determined. You don’t want to start an interoffice romance with a woman. Believe me. I’ve been there.

On that note, there is nothing wrong with flirting and putting the vibe out there. Let her make the first move and accept it. Document all
communications. That way if it ends up in the lap of Human Resources, you got your ass covered. Plus you can spend the whole time pumping the breaks saying things like “I’m not so sure this is a good idea” every time you sleep over her house. It’s the old “I have strong work ethics and am not sure if this is in line with my value system. My hesitation has nothing to
do with you” bit.

It’ll work for you. You’re a guy.
You’re supposed to be emotionally disconnected.

Now buy some new work clothes and drive this girl crazy!

Kisses-
Kendra
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super
comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her
sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
www.kendracunningham.com
www.blondelogicblog.com

The Beast: John Powers

… talk to her.
That’s the best way to find out what’s up with anyone… anytime.  There’s something sexy about hooking up with a coworker.  You always want what you can’t have.  It’s frowned upon to hook up with coworkers, and yet there’s something thrilling about it.  You like breaking the rules.  You want to do it just because you’re not supposed to.  I understand… but it’s not worth it.
You work directly with this chick.  It’s gonna be awkward.  There’s gonna be a time when you stop dating and that tension will follow you to the office.  You’re being selfish.  There are only a few girls you probably shouldn’t hit on.  Unless you don’t give a shit about your job… leave her alone.

That’s the warning.  If you still must proceed… here’s what to do:
Follow her home from work one day.  Be careful that she doesn’t know she’s being tracked… a fake mustache couldn’t hurt.  Wait until she gets to her apartment, but don’t try to follow her inside.  Stay across the street, but not directly across.  Find a bench or someplace to sit.  Keep a vigilant watch.  Do not move until she comes out again.  Plan ahead and bring some Snickers (not going anywhere for a while?!)  When she comes out, follow her again.

At some point she will meet up with a friend or two.  Once she and her friend part ways, casually initiate a “random” conversation with the friend.  The work topic will come up.  “Oh, hey… I know someone that works there…”  You say, “No way, that’s wild…”  Make friends with the friend.  After several months of keeping up a healthy relationship with the friend, he or she will gladly do your bidding.  Have them casually plant the seed that this chick should give you a shot.  Let things percolate.  Act normal… say nothing.  Eventually she will become obsessed with the idea and all you will need to do is bring protection.

There.
Good luck.

Any questions?  E-Male:

AGuideToStalking@johnjpowers.com

- John

www.johnjpowers.com

@ComicJohnPowers

facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers

Beauty and The Beast:

Hi John and Kendra,

I’m dating a great woman and it’s getting pretty serious.  She met my family and we’re going away together for a romantic weekend soon.  I am not dating anyone else and neither is she.  The problem is that she is always bringing up her ex-boyfriend, who she was with for seven years.  She talks about how it ended and what a dick he was, but also the stuff they did together (oh, Tim and I went to that place, Tim took me there once) and what her family thinks about their breakup (my Mom is devastated, but I keep telling her it’s for the best).  Overall, she’s not saying nice things about him, and she’s comparing him to me saying I am much better for her, but I am sick of hearing about him.  He’s renting a lot of space in her head.  Does it sound to you like she’s still hung up on him?  How do I confront her on this without seeming like a jealous boyfriend?  I just want to make sure I’m the only one on her mind, and that she’s not still harboring some old feelings for him and using me as a rebound.

Thanks for any insight you can provide.

Brad

The Beast:   John Powers

Brad,

Deal with it, man.
Sounds like you’ve got a great girl and everything else is working out. If this is the biggest issue… let it go.

She was with her ex for 7 years. That’s a damn long time. It’s natural for her to think about him and compare your relationship to what she was used to. She will eventually stop talking about him… in 7 years or so.

Any questions?  E-Male:

ForgetYourEx@johnjpowers.com

- John

www.johnjpowers.com

@ComicJohnPowers

facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers

Beauty: Kendra Cunningham

Nobody likes to hear about their sweetheart’s old loves. I can’t stand when people say  “I don’t get jealous” . That’s like saying “I’m so emotionally shut off, I have no concerns about losing my lover to a better suited partner”. You better get jealous. It’s a normal human emotion. It shows you care. It shows you’re aware of your partner’s value and overall attractiveness to the opposite sex. It shows you realize that being in a relationship is a choice and that choice can be reversed.  I’m happy to hear you’re affected by your girlfriends incessant talk about her ex. It’s healthy.

I will say, I can understand how Tim keeps coming up, he was a part of her life for 7 years but I don’t think that means she’s still hung up on him. Who knows. You may be a rebound or she may be one of these perpetually monogamous people who goes from one relationship host to another. Either way you gotta address it. It’s a pretty simple conversation. “Why you talk about Tim? Me no likey. Me boyfriend now.” Seriously though, I would address it before your trip. Talk about it before you yell about it. She may be completely unaware that she references him as often as she does. She probably doesn’t think it even bothers you. This is how relationships grow and develop. You learn what hurts the other person and you stop doing it. Or you use it to your advantage.

On the other hand, what do you know about Tim? There’s nothing worse than finding out your new love was previously in a relationship with a real loser. It might help to do some research and get a good picture of who this guy Tim is. If she’s hung up on a Taco Bell manager who has 4 roommates and is known to at least one staff member as Baby Daddy, you might feel differently.

No matter what, you sound like a sensitive guy who wants to be in a relationship. I hope you get what you want from this girl. If not, well, I’m pretty easy to find. I can’t remember the last time I told a story with a character named Tim and I’ve never been involved with someone for 7 years.

At least not in a row.

Kisses-

Kendra

Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

www.kendracunningham.com

www.blondelogicblog.com

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